Sospirando - What the hell am I waiting for.

Something real.

It's been awhile.

This evening I found myself looking at my shadow in a very Peter Pan-like moment. What would I do if you weren't attached to me from my feet? What would a shadowless existence be like? I recently read a tale of a man whose shadow was the key to his mind. With his shadow's death he would lose all memory and all choice...not life...just mind and the mind's state of being.

My question is...what happens to my shadow in the darkest dark? Deep down where no light dares to creep.

School of Seven Bells - Connjur

In my dream I was given a choice.

One side completely obvious and appropriate. That which I feel I want, but increasingly more out of reach. The other random, strange, seemingly impossible yet strangely understandable. Obviously no choice was made because dreams are never that straight forward...at least not in my case.

What is my shadow up to?

Scherzando - Who's in the mirror?

I'm in love. She's so small and defenseless. Running around with her tail straight up in the air like she owns the place. Bouncing from floor to couch to lap. There's so much energy and curiosity in that tiny little frame. I could watch her for hours (and I did!).

She chases her tail. And not in this "oh there's something that looks like string" way. No, no...this is a much more intense "It's that tail again...I must have it" kind of way. This of course lasts for about 2 minutes...until she gets dizzy.

She's so tiny. I just want to protect her. I found myself putting the toilet cover down for fear of her falling in. Randomly...but serious. And the way she curls up right next to me to sleep...it's as if we hadn't just met 2 hours ago. Completely trusting and dependent on me. She's awesome.

The Beatles - Sexy Sadie

She just came into my life and has already brought me so much joy. Oh Sadie, Sadie. This is the beginning of something amazing.

Solo - Who am I?

I think I'm going crazy.

Little Joy - Evaporar

Spiccato - It's just the way I am.

"'Here's what I think, Mr. Wind-Up Bird,' said May Kasahara. 'Everybody's born with some different thing at the core of their existence. And that thing, whatever it is, becomes like a heat source that runs each person from the inside. I have one too, of course. Like everybody else. But sometimes it gets out of hand. It swells or shrinks inside me, and it shakes me up. What I'd really like to do is find a way to communicate that feeling to another person. But I can't seem to do it. They just don't get it. Of course, the problem could be that I'm not explaining it very well, but I think it's because they're not listening very well. They pretend to be listening, but they're not, really. So I get worked up sometimes, and I do some crazy things.'"
- Haruki Murakami, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle

Larkin Grimm - How To Catch A Lizard

Vivace - This end is only the beginning.

Have you ever woken up one day and it was like someone flipped a switch on the way you see the world? Maybe not the entire world, but at least your personal world. Of course, depending on the direction of the switch this could be good or bad. But when it's good...everything is gorgeous.

Things just seem to be going right. Everything is falling into place. The days, though dark and cloudy...seem to glow. Silver lined and shiny.

I have to hold it in as long as I possibly can. I don't want to scare anyone. But I have this undying urge to get up and dance. Dance harder than I've ever danced. I've already got a huge smile on my face, I can get away with that and semi-head bobbing without setting off any alarms. But my foot is tapping, and I can feel my ass starting to shake. I don't know if I can make it to the end.

Fast Forward.

Hair thrashing, arms flailing...the only thing keeping me from going mad is the fact that I'm tethered by these headphones to the computer. I'm alone with this beat, these movements, those harmonies. It grows into an explosion of sound. I can't control my excitement, happiness, awe. If these walls had eyes they would be questioning the actions of this mad woman and her open laughter. Music that causes laughter for beauty's sake! It's genius. Thank god the blinds were closed.

Let's hope nobody gets in trouble, and don't forget to share this dance. x

Dolce - 11:11 make a wish

Such a silly myth, yet one I still practice...every single time I catch it. I dunno...the more I wish, the more I'm beginning to think it's really working. Something to believe in? Hardly. But at least it's a form of hope. A hope that doesn't disappoint as you don't really expect anything from it. Simple wishes.

There was always something about those arms wrapped around me as I fell asleep that put me at ease. The fluffy pillows helped too.

I woke up this morning feeling really secure and confident and happy. Sunlight was slowly creeping into the room, muted by the cloud cover, but still casting beautiful morning shadows. You were still asleep, but I always woke up before you...even if you always got out of bed before I did. This gave me time to think about my upcoming day, the night before, anything I needed to go over in my head before starting the day. My moving around also sometimes woke you up, so I tried to move lightly...with only the gentlest caress. But it had been so long since I had had a moment like this so instead today I savored it: the feet entwined, the light breath on my shoulder, the warmth, the fact that I woke up to you...next to you. I didn't care about the day, or last night, or even the week past and future. I could have stayed in that bed, in that moment...forever. But for now forever must wait, and there is only this hope and those wishes. As long as I know you're here, beside me or thousands of miles away, I can do this.

Jon Brion - Phone Call

I can't ignore the fact that this song was actually playing in my head this morning. It was perfect. Cloudy and sleepy, yet suddenly everything began to make so much sense.

Freddo - What do I trust?

That future seems so far and out of reach.

And none of these doors are open.

Max Richter - Kierling_Doubt

Something is missing.