Scherzando - Who's in the mirror?

I'm in love. She's so small and defenseless. Running around with her tail straight up in the air like she owns the place. Bouncing from floor to couch to lap. There's so much energy and curiosity in that tiny little frame. I could watch her for hours (and I did!).

She chases her tail. And not in this "oh there's something that looks like string" way. No, no...this is a much more intense "It's that tail again...I must have it" kind of way. This of course lasts for about 2 minutes...until she gets dizzy.

She's so tiny. I just want to protect her. I found myself putting the toilet cover down for fear of her falling in. Randomly...but serious. And the way she curls up right next to me to sleep...it's as if we hadn't just met 2 hours ago. Completely trusting and dependent on me. She's awesome.

The Beatles - Sexy Sadie

She just came into my life and has already brought me so much joy. Oh Sadie, Sadie. This is the beginning of something amazing.

Solo - Who am I?

I think I'm going crazy.

Little Joy - Evaporar

Spiccato - It's just the way I am.

"'Here's what I think, Mr. Wind-Up Bird,' said May Kasahara. 'Everybody's born with some different thing at the core of their existence. And that thing, whatever it is, becomes like a heat source that runs each person from the inside. I have one too, of course. Like everybody else. But sometimes it gets out of hand. It swells or shrinks inside me, and it shakes me up. What I'd really like to do is find a way to communicate that feeling to another person. But I can't seem to do it. They just don't get it. Of course, the problem could be that I'm not explaining it very well, but I think it's because they're not listening very well. They pretend to be listening, but they're not, really. So I get worked up sometimes, and I do some crazy things.'"
- Haruki Murakami, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle

Larkin Grimm - How To Catch A Lizard

Vivace - This end is only the beginning.

Have you ever woken up one day and it was like someone flipped a switch on the way you see the world? Maybe not the entire world, but at least your personal world. Of course, depending on the direction of the switch this could be good or bad. But when it's good...everything is gorgeous.

Things just seem to be going right. Everything is falling into place. The days, though dark and cloudy...seem to glow. Silver lined and shiny.

I have to hold it in as long as I possibly can. I don't want to scare anyone. But I have this undying urge to get up and dance. Dance harder than I've ever danced. I've already got a huge smile on my face, I can get away with that and semi-head bobbing without setting off any alarms. But my foot is tapping, and I can feel my ass starting to shake. I don't know if I can make it to the end.

Fast Forward.

Hair thrashing, arms flailing...the only thing keeping me from going mad is the fact that I'm tethered by these headphones to the computer. I'm alone with this beat, these movements, those harmonies. It grows into an explosion of sound. I can't control my excitement, happiness, awe. If these walls had eyes they would be questioning the actions of this mad woman and her open laughter. Music that causes laughter for beauty's sake! It's genius. Thank god the blinds were closed.

Let's hope nobody gets in trouble, and don't forget to share this dance. x

Dolce - 11:11 make a wish

Such a silly myth, yet one I still practice...every single time I catch it. I dunno...the more I wish, the more I'm beginning to think it's really working. Something to believe in? Hardly. But at least it's a form of hope. A hope that doesn't disappoint as you don't really expect anything from it. Simple wishes.

There was always something about those arms wrapped around me as I fell asleep that put me at ease. The fluffy pillows helped too.

I woke up this morning feeling really secure and confident and happy. Sunlight was slowly creeping into the room, muted by the cloud cover, but still casting beautiful morning shadows. You were still asleep, but I always woke up before you...even if you always got out of bed before I did. This gave me time to think about my upcoming day, the night before, anything I needed to go over in my head before starting the day. My moving around also sometimes woke you up, so I tried to move lightly...with only the gentlest caress. But it had been so long since I had had a moment like this so instead today I savored it: the feet entwined, the light breath on my shoulder, the warmth, the fact that I woke up to you...next to you. I didn't care about the day, or last night, or even the week past and future. I could have stayed in that bed, in that moment...forever. But for now forever must wait, and there is only this hope and those wishes. As long as I know you're here, beside me or thousands of miles away, I can do this.

Jon Brion - Phone Call

I can't ignore the fact that this song was actually playing in my head this morning. It was perfect. Cloudy and sleepy, yet suddenly everything began to make so much sense.

Freddo - What do I trust?

That future seems so far and out of reach.

And none of these doors are open.

Max Richter - Kierling_Doubt

Something is missing.

Tranquillo - ...

I can't sleep, but I love being this awake this late at night. It doesn't happen very often. It's so quiet. The only thing I can hear at all is the music coming from my headphones.

Nothing else.

No cars driving by...no neighbors slamming doors...no roommates getting water. All outside distractions have vanished. I've even managed to control my worrying thoughts.

Just me and the music.

Grouper - Wind and Snow

This is peaceful. This is my meditation.

Amabile - We would make a killing if we had a farm brothel.

I love fall. Never having experienced it truly...it has been a treat to my senses. The colors, so vibrant and full. Amazing that they are signs of death and the bitter cold that is to soon come. But for now...I will enjoy this fiery wonderland, and live in this beautiful moment.

With three companions by my side, I've escaped the city and am now surrounded by thousands of trees, red...yellow...orange. It feels as if I have entered a new kingdom, some psychedelic world that has never been discovered. There are two objectives at hand...to collect the best and ripest loot we can find...and to have an amazing afternoon together. We scatter through rows and rows of fruited trees, searching for the perfect pick. Taking heed of the poisonous foliage that threatens our good time, we climb to the highest branch for that which we seek. The first fruit for our own delight...each bite sweeter than before. Thereafter, we horde for the treats to come. It seems a lifetime since I've giggled like this...childlike and free. Today I have not one care in the world...they have all been forgotten amongst these autumn branches. With laughter, sunshine and satisfied souls we collect the spoils which we pirated from these great trees and make our way home.

Cibo Matto - Apple

I wish it could be autumn everyday... Or maybe I just wish everyday could be like this one.

Energico - "This DJ is SICK"

With an amazing new friend with me, I take the city by storm in storm. Not letting anything stop us...not even this crying sky. Liquid courage guides our way, giving us the spark to keep on. This energy is too much. Where are we? Where are we going? Who cares as long as we're having fun...and together we dance. It's all a blur. From clubs to warehouses...band after band...beat after beat...we dance. How long can we keep going? They're going to have to shut us down.


Crystal Castles - Untrust Us

How can one describe a caffeinated alcohol high? Dancing, spazzing, talking....not stopping. Where can we find a taco stand at 3am?

Magnifico - "We're gonna have to let you go," so I went.

From here I can see every ray, every beam of light as it delicately hits the leafy floor. Magentas, blues, yellows, oranges, and greens dance with each other through the light and take their bow amongst the grass and leaves. Some rays even so lucky as to reflect magnificently against stone, thus continuing their glorious waltz. Each one...so different..moving with the sway of the branches between them and their powerful source. This spot I have against the tree provides me with a perfect view of this incredible show. As I look up I see the shadow patterns of light against leaf and leaf, as if each are vying for the attention of the sun, swaying back and forth in their competition. Soon they will all fall, and aid in welcoming this glow to its denouement.

Radiohead - Motion Picture Soundtrack

The sky is raining sunlight, and it is so beautiful.

Grave - A VERY unexpected change...

Once again I've been rudely awakened by my alarm...that chirpy little tune which calls for the end of my slumber. As I quickly disable it and look to greet the sun with my eyes, I realize...the sun isn't there. It's rainy and cloudy, and the streets are covered with a layer of water...early risers walking around with umbrellas and rain boots. I stretch my toes to the end of the bed, preparing them for the cold floor that they will soon make contact with. But...what if I just turn over and go back to sleep in this bed of feathers in which I lie. Would it really be that bad? Would anyone notice? I could just hide in my dreams instead of face the cold, rainy mess of the outside world. As these thoughts go through my head I feel myself willingly drifting back to sleep. Until suddenly I realize...it's half an hour later, and I'm not even dressed. I reluctantly drag myself out of bed and perform those same monotonous morning activities. Oh the life of a working woman. As I finally bring myself to walk out the door, umbrella in arm, I say to myself, "all I want is to sleep until 12 on a Wednesday." If only...

Festival - Come Outside!

Maybe I spoke too soon...

Melancolico - More than I ever could have imagined.

I'm in love with an invisible man. Even though he's there, he's not. And everyday feels like there is something missing. When I share, I share to you, not with you, and I miss the sharing of us together...and that which we shared. When I close my eyes, I can see his, but on opening realize that he is not here. This picture of him in my head is just an illusion, a memory. One of the past. What of those memories of the future? When will they come? How soon if ever until I am able to touch his hand or kiss his cheek? Have these times passed? And if they have, they left me behind, for I am not ready to close this book. Instead I want to fill it with even more stories of our love and experiences and intimacies - stories of the present, not memories of the past and regrets of this circumstance.

Beach House - Some Things Last A Long Time

I guess what I'm saying is, I miss us.

Scherzando - I've been dreaming again...

How youthful the actions of the early afternoon within this sunlit lair. There's a crisp air to this room in which we quickly and excitedly remove these wrappings. Each one the other's present. As our ribbons become entangled, we energetically play...explore...act as the children we still are, but as one. Such lively activities are fueled by our curiosity of each other. Hands, lips, shoulders, back, neck, chest...oh, how captivating this beauty! Both of us tasting and savoring every bit...complete. Laughter and cries of delight can be heard, but no one else dares to join. For these games are ours, and this creativity is one not to be shared. This rush is only for two, and oh what a rush it is.

Björk - My Spine

Feed your curiosity, energy, passion and playfulness...then collapse, out of breath, onto the soft sheets beneath you. I'll fall back beside you, for your chest is always a good pillow.

Naturale - This is what love feels like.

I had an incredibly unique and personal experience the other day...

Lately, I've found it difficult to listen to my favorite band...feeling reminded of things I'm trying hard to put away for now. And as much as I love the beautiful melodies, the flowing loops, the ass-shaking rhythms and the delicately placed samples, I'm not quite ready to confront the emotions I've attached to them. For a person like me, who uses music as a sanctuary, this has been slightly devastating. Almost a feeling of loss and even emptiness...something missing. Strangely poignant that this should happen to me, one who fully believes in the soundtrack of life's experiences.

This scene wasn't any different; it was a regular early evening commute on the train surrounded by people with a similar destination...home. But on this particular day, though nothing had changed with my situation, I decided to delve into an album which I knew could either bring me incredible joy or unbearable regret. Immediately a roller coaster of emotions charged through me...one memory after another riding piggy-back with each song. Record player dust, dirty hostels, park singalongs, smokey rooms, and lyrical debates...

And suddenly, it all stopped, and my entire being, both body and mind, felt at peace. All that mattered was this song. This one song. A song that since first heard by my ears has just drawn me in...precisely like this. Sober or stoned, happy or sad...this song had always been able to move me, sometimes bringing so much glee I shed joyful tears. A song that has no attachment to anything in my life, but me. Never until this moment had I ever felt such passionate ownership of music that I didn't create. But I felt it...this song is mine. There is a friendship and love so pure between us that goes deeper than emotions... Now some may think that me having a "friendship" with a song is going a little far, but with the limits of vocabulary...this is the only way to describe the relationship. Simply perfect.

Animal Collective - Banshee Beat

From the first chord movement until the fading snare, I'm holding hands with the beat the entire way. This is, in my highest opinion, all that is beautiful in music.

Lacrimoso - This pain must be for a reason

I can't shake this blanket of awkwardness that covered our last encounter. With words that fell short of a conversation and caresses that went ignored. The leering reality of what is to come has soured our time, and the distance growing between us, both physically and emotionally, has now become increasingly apparent. These pillowcases soaked with makeup-stained tears are proof of the sorrow that permeates this room, and I can't stop these feelings of loss from flowing within them. Two hours later, your smell is still here, but it has lost its usual intoxicating effect. Instead this fragrance stabs painfully at my senses and evokes memories that feel so far in the past that they may be lost once this aroma fades. Sometimes I feel I could have stopped these feelings from happening, that if only I had guarded my heart I wouldn't be in this situation. But why put up guards against something so superb?

If I got the chance I'd do it all over again.

DeVotchKa - How It Ends

I don't know how it ends, but I'll try to have faith that everything will be fine. I hope you, reader, cannot feel with the experience of this post the emotions I felt whilst writing it, for though I share them with you, I wouldn't wish them upon anyone.

Espressivo - Inspiration

And now for something a little different...

"But when our own pettiness is suddenly revealed to us, where do we flee to escape it? From debasement the only escape is upward! So he sat down at his desk and opened the little book (that precious book the painter told him he never lent to anyone else) and tried hard to concentrate on the poems he liked best. Once again 'the sea that bathes your eye' was there, and once again he saw Magda before him, the snowball in the tranquility of her body was also there, and the sound of the water entered the poem as the murmur of the river entered the room through the closed window. Jaromil was overcome by a languorous desire and closed the book. He picked up a piece of paper and a pencil and began to write - in the manner of Eluard, Nezval, Bield, and Desnos - short lines, one under the other, without rhythm or rhyme. It was a variation on what he had read, but the variation contained what he had just experienced: there was the 'sadness' that 'begins to melt and turns into water,' there was the 'green water' whose surface 'rises and rises until it reaches my eyes,' there was the body, 'the sad body,' the body in the water 'that I pursue, I pursue through endless water.'
He read these lines aloud several times in a melodious, pathetic voice, and he was enthusiastic. At the core of the poem was Magda in the bathtub and he with his face pressed against the door; he thus didn't find himself outside the limits of his experience; he was high above it. His distaste for himself remained down below; down below he had felt his palms become sweaty with fear and his breath speed up; but here, up high in the poem, he was above his paltryness; the keyhole episode and his cowardice were merely a trampoline above which he was now soaring; he was no longer subordinate to his experience, his experience was subordinate to what he had written." - Milan Kundera, Life is Elsewhere

The Books - Excess Straussess

The power of inspiration, realization, separation and negotiation within oneself. The ability to control one's emotions and experiences to rise above it all. What is your method of escape?

Sognando - Such a strange place to rest my weary head

A day gone by running on empty, and my minds beginning to shut off from last night's insomnia. The sway and pump of the train as it slowly creeps down the track is calling me to slumber. Everyone looks exhausted, but no one will allow themselves to drift off. Eyelids heavy, air condition lightly blowing, this unconventional place could become my next bed. Peaceful, relaxed, no longer tired, but calm. I no longer feel the cold hard seat or see the crowded subway car. I only hear gentle whispers and embrace the slow sway as if the wind was carrying my sailing ship on a calm sea. Deep breathing and body melting...true, weary comfort.

Animal Collective - The Softest Voice

And with a knock in the arm and a jolt of the train, my body comes away from this euphoric state. I awaken to zombie walk my way home.

Dolce - Let the light in...who needs sunglasses

I'm gazing out the window at a beautiful day, and I decide it would be a waste if I don't enjoy it. This apartment I have now made my own provides the haven I have been looking for. I drag myself out of this comfy papasan chair into the blindingly sunny outdoors. The birds are chirping a delightful welcome, and everyone is dressed for the summer weather - colorful skirts and dresses flowing. A feeling of euphoria explodes throughout my body as I realize, I'm here. This is my neighborhood. These birds will welcome me every morning, and these people are my neighbors. Oh glorious city how I missed your smiling face. This is how I remember you. We had a rough reintroduction, but now that I've found my feet I feel our friendship will resume from where we left off. After a day enjoying all the splendors you have to offer I will willingly collapse back into my comfy papasan. I'm so happy to see you in this light once again.

Air France - Collapsing At Your Doorstep

With a skip in your step enjoy the sunshine and smiling faces. Embrace the reality of this dream-like world, for you never know when the rain will come and wash it all away.

Pizzicato - Wrong turn...again

Walking the dark empty streets of Brooklyn with this deep feeling at the pit of your being. So dull it feels like it's eating at you, plucking and prodding at your thoughts. Loneliness...isolation. With a pulse so loud you can hear it from within, you pass several lofts full of art and artists with their intense gaze and steady hands. If only you had such a passion to take your mind away from this feeling. Something to immerse yourself in. But nothing will suffice when you're left alone with your thoughts. Broken, scattered thoughts to go with a similarly disheveled life.


The Flaming Lips - The Observer

Steady and constant throughout, feel the lonely beat within you as you float in and out of your thoughts.

Largo sostenuto - What do you MEAN it's not listed anymore

Work, jobs, applications, cover letters, mindless temp work involving a computer screen stealing your soul, ALL for that which rules the world: Money. The tiresome process of finding something so coveted. This goal of the "perfect" occupation. Does it exist? And if so, how does one effectively "sell themselves" into this position? I find that most everyone places an over-exaggerated twist on everything they claim to have done. How tricksy.

Cut, paste, type, think, stop... No matter how I phrase these letters of introduction it all comes out the same, and in the world today how do you differentiate 1500 cookie cutouts? The realization that this process could possibly go on for far longer than I would appreciate is daunting. This very monotonous process. It's only day two...

Battles - HI / LO

Writing, tweaking, sending, waiting, lather, rinse, repeat. Oh the dreary repetitiveness...and when you feel you've reached the finale, it returns ever so steadily, and slowly...to...the...beginning.

Allegro - One big move

How quickly things have come to pass. Two thousand miles behind me, and an existence open to experience and adventure ahead. The obstacles which tried to keep me from this place have been shaken off by the instinct and desire that guides my way. A new start without forgetting my past. I will not waste time distracted by the activity around me. Those who have always seen me as young and weak should take a seat. Let me taste the air of independence...real independence (as we all know college is anything but). I will fall, as a toddler falls when taking its first step, but I'm open to hardship, for what is life worth without a fight? Sorrow and difficulties only make the pleasure and delights more enjoyable. My struggle to control my emotions may make me weary, enough so to consider resignation. However, no matter the battle, do not fret, for I have extraordinary might, and these emotions only fight for my happiness. This is my choice, and no matter the outcome, I'm ready for it. Thus...I give you a woman who's words I can relate to.

Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes,
And I certainly haven't been spreading myself around.
I still only travel by foot and by foot, it's a slow climb,
But I'm good at being uncomfortable, so
I can't stop changing all the time.

I notice that my opponent is always on the go,
And won't go slow, so's not to focus, and I notice
He'll hitch a ride with any guide as long as
They go fast from whence he came.
But he's no good at being uncomfortable, so
He can't stop staying exactly the same.

If there was a better way to go then it would find me.
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me.
Be kind to me, or treat me mean.
I'll make the most of it.
I'm an extraordinary machine.

I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day.
You deem me due to clean my view
And be at peace and lay.
I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way,
And say, I've been getting along for long before
You came into the play.

I am the baby of the family, it happens,
So everybody cares and
Wears the sheeps' clothes while they chaperone
Curious, you looking down your at me,
While you appease.
Courteous to try and help,
But let me set your mind at ease.

Do I so worry you, you need to hurry to my side?
It's very kind.
But it's to no avail; I don't want the bail.
I promise you, everything will be just fine.

If there was a better way to go then it would find me.
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me.
Be kind to me, or treat me mean.
I'll make the most of it.
I'm an extraordinary machine.

Photo by Sareen